What was the best thing before sliced bread hit the scene?
Fire. The wheel. Peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. All getting the shaft on this ranking.
Vabs’ Weekend Wisdom: Monkeys
I’ve always wanted to have a pet monkey. Maybe I wanted to be The Man in the Yellow Hat and have Curious George as my friend. So, several years ago, I adopted a monkey from the Lincoln Park Zoo.
Below is the e-mail interaction with a person from the zoo. Diane never did get back to me and answer my questions. I just hope my monkey is OK…
____________________________________________________________________
—–Original Message—–
To: Brian Vabulas
From: Michelle <xxxxxx@lpzoo.org>
Subject: ADOPT ORDER
1 Happy “Howler” Days A. D. O. P. T. with t-shirt (A6) (Adult X L) at
43.95
each = 43.95
SUBTOTAL: 43.95
TAX: 0.00
SUBTOTAL: 43.95
SHIPPING: 0.00
TOTAL: 43.95
—– Original Message —–
From: Michelle <xxxxxx@lpzoo.org>
To: Brian Vabulas
Subject: RE: ADOPT ORDER
Thank you for your a.d.o.p.t order. Please allow at least eight to ten days for processing. If you have any questions please contact Diane XXXX at (312) XXX-XXXX.
—–Original Message—–
From: Brian Vabulas
To: Michelle <xxxxxx@lpzoo.org>
Subject: Re: ADOPT ORDER
Michelle,
I had a few questions regarding the Howler Monkey I have recently adopted.
Firstly, what does the monkey’s diet primarily consist of; such as bananas, carrots, celery, and various meats? Second, what is the monkey’s average life expectancy? The reason I ask is because one of my co-workers adopted a monkey and it died of old age, his name was Jolly Bo Bo. This being a point of concern, I was wondering what is the age of my monkey? Next, what types of shots are administered to howler monkeys? Any type of information you can provide me will assist in the care given to my monkey. Also, approximately how large of a habitat is necessary to house my monkey (e.g..what is his/her height, weight, can he/she chew through wood, etc.)?
Finally, what time and date will I be able to pick up my monkey? Please address these questions and provide me with any additional information.
Thanks in advance for all your help, and I look forward to providing a loving and healthy home for my howler monkey!
Sincerely,
Brian Vabulas
—–Original Message—–
From: Michelle <xxxxxx@lpzoo.org>
To: Brian Vabulas
Subject: RE: ADOPT ORDER
Brian,
I have passed your questions on to the a.d.o.p.t. program coordinator, Diane XXXX. She will research and respond within a couple of days.
She can be reached at (312) XXX-XXXX for additional questions. You are aware Brian that your money goes toward the feeding and care of the animal at Lincoln Park Zoo. You are welcome to visit our Primate House to see the Howler Monkeys on display. I always find it interesting that some a.d.o.p.t. parents think that they will be able to take the animals home and care for them. This is not possible and not in the best interest of our animals.
Thanks.
Michelle
Words With Real Life Friends
I just found out they created a 3-D Words With Friends! This thing is gonna be huge!
Meg’s Thursday Fun Fact
Vabs’ Weekend Wisdom: Support
Hugs and Pullups wrapped up our six week run at the Second Stage Theater this past Friday (3/25). Thank You to all the teams that performed with us during this run; it was our pleasure to perform with you.
Also, I want to send out a huge Thank You to everyone that came out, supported us, and enjoyed our comedy over the past six weeks. It was wonderful performing for everyone! We appreciate your support!
We looking forward to seeing you all in the future! Have a wonderful spring!
Closing Night: Where in the world is Hugs and Pullups this week?
Closing night! Hugs and Pullups is performing Picture Perfect? Friday 3/25 at the Second Stage Theater (3408 N. Sheffield, Chicago IL) $5.00. We have two glorious groups that will be performing with us tonight – Clusterschmuck and Moses.
Seriously, what are you doing at 11:00 PM on Friday. Come on – it’s our last night you know it will make you laugh so hard you’ll crap your pants!
Get 20% off your ticket for the show, if you can tell us where Hugs and Pullups is standing in this picture (below):
PS – We’re excited for baseball season…
Meg’s Thursday Fun Fact
Brace yourselves. Today’s Thursday Fun Fact is a Meg Kennedy Personal Fun Fact.
(Gasp! A glimpse into Meg Kennedy’s personal life!)
In high school (yup, it’s a high school fact), I used to compete in Heptathlons every year.
An athletic improviser? No one saw that coming.
Polar Bears
Talk a look at what happens when Polar Bears and humans meet…
Click the link to view:
httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvhkiWquO8s
Come see more of ‘Picture Perfect?’ Friday night at 11:00 PM, at the Second Stage Theater (3408 N. Sheffield, Chicago IL) only $5.00. See you there!
It’s So Hot In Tucson!
Talk a look at what happens when it’s so hot in Tucson, AZ…
Click below to view:
httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eqBy97ibAA
Come see more of ‘Picture Perfect?’ Friday night at 11:00 PM, at the Second Stage Theater (3408 N. Sheffield, Chicago IL) only $5.00. See you there!
Burritos: A Vabulas Dinner Choice?
Do you smell that, folks?
The lingering aroma that’s dancing around the room tickling your olfactory organs isn’t dinner. You’re not getting a tempting sniff of something delicious. Mom isn’t about to serve you a high-piled plate of her home cookin’.
That smell, my friends, is the treacherous fragrance of pure deceit, and it’s emanating from the verbal kitchen of Mr. Brian Vabulas.
If you’ve ever shared more than a couple of cheap beers with Mr. Vabulas, as I have many a time, you’ve probably noticed that he invariably manhandles the evening toward a familiar conclusion: late-night burritos.
“But Skeptic,” I hear you asking me, “what’s wrong with a late night burrito?”
Nothing at all. I enjoy casual Mexican dining as much as the next hombre. But if you were to ask me what restaurant I’d like to go to for said burrito, I’d always give you the same answer: “Whatever’s closest.”
This is where Vabulas blurs (and potentially crosses) the line. With alarming regularity, he will toss out responses like:
“That’s in my top 15.”
“Oooh, Garcia’s is top 5.”
“Top top shmoppity top one billion”
SHOW ME THIS PURPORTED LIST, VABULAS! Has there been scientific research done to back up your claims? A double-blind study, perhaps? Or are you simply throwing around rankings more recklessly than David Letterman?
You know what I think? I don’t think there ever was a list. I think El Vabuloso just likes the sound of his own voice.
Stay skeptical, my friends…
~The Skeptic