Oooh, ooh, Lindsay Lohan!
I would like to point out that Nicholas Cage has NOTHING on Lindsay Lohan! Let the tabloids commence!
So Lindsay Lohan missed a court date because she was at Cannes – and get this, she claims she couldn’t fly home because her dad arranged for someone to steal her passport!!! So a judge, like, totally puts out an arrest warrant on her, which means if she flies home she gets arrested the second she lands – she can’t even go home to get some summer dresses to look cute in prison! I mean, this country has been really messed up ever since Obama was elected (sorry, didn’t mean to get political!)
So anyway, she gets one of her bff lawyers to post bail for her so she doesn’t need to go to prison, but she’s still at Cannes, so what else is she gonna do? PARTY!!! She was out last night until 7:30am, which got her dad super pissed (I was laughing, I never miss a chance to piss my dad off, but LiLo is like the total queen here!) and now everyone’s all “she’s so irresponsible” but hello, Cannes!? How could you NOT stay out until 7:30am?
Anyway, that’s all for now, I’ll totally update you with the latest Lindsay Lohan news as soon as she updates her Twitter again!
Nicholas Cage bought a 9 ft. tall pyramid-shaped super-tomb to be buried under when he dies! I can’t get enough of the Cage Shitshow!
I can’t get enough of the Nicholas Cage shitshow! Stay tuned for what other gems I’ve got waiting.
Nicholas Cage won’t eat pork because he doesn’t like how pigs have sex…
And thus beings my journey, entitled: “Nicholas Cage Is A Total Wackadoo, Here Are Some Reasons Why.”
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Life would be so much simpler if Charles WERE in charge.
Hugs and Pullups: Party Hire
Hugs and Pullups would like to officially announce that we are putting ourselves on the market as Party Hires. Do you have a birthday, wedding, anniversary, family reunion, bachelor, bachelorette, house, frat, Over the Hill, Gambling, or Democratic Party for hire that you need a little extra “oomph” energy behind? Finding conversations a bit dull when you have a few friends over?
We look forward to helping you celebrate your little addition or mourn your loss with enthusiastic (but discreet if appropriate), optimistic, and goofy observations on life that you have come to know and love from all our Hugs and Pullups official performances. Simply put, there will never be a dull social moment in your life again!
Have you always wished Brian could make Abraham Lincoln references in your grandmothers presence? Here’s your chance? Joe’s looking forward to talking baseball with that uncle who will never shut up about sports, while Courtney’s ready to tear it up on the dance floor to any type of music, from ballroom to hippity-hoppity.
In fact, if you act now, we’ll throw in Philip drinking too much too quickly, ensuring the hilarity gets going before 9pm! Jared has hookah and Malort that your children will remember long after everything has been cleaned up, and John has the superpower of being able to transition any conversation to comic books in the blink of an eye! You won’t believe how Aunt Mabel’s scalloped potatoes are so reminiscent of the Green Hornet! I didn’t!
We will also throw in our HnP Guarantee – Meg Kennedy will always be there to make sure we don’t break anything expensive, and that we leave the minute our time is up. Because we don’t want to be there if we aren’t getting paid, and you won’t want us there anymore either.
GUARANTEED!!!
So what are you waiting for? Email giveusmoney@hugsandpullups.com with your credit card information and dates and times, and get ready for a memorable event that no one in your family will ever forget! We know you won’t – even though I’m quite sure I’ll pass out and forget most of it.
Love,
Your HnP Family
*HnP makes no guarantee that your family will speak to you after the event. Clothing suggestions are encouraged, but will ultimately be ignored. We are probably not the best human beings to have around your loved ones, nor are we legally ‘Your Family’.
**Please note, this is not a party BUS for hire. Vabs wouldn’t let us use his car.
Chicago Reader poll – Best improv group in Chicago = Hugs and Pullups!
Hey everyone, it’s the time of the year when the Chicago Reader does its annual “Best of” poll for everything Chicago has to offer. One of their categoreis is ‘Best sketch / improv troupe’
Can you say…. Hugs and Pullups??
Follow this link to get to their Arts and Entertainment page in the poll. The category is very close to the end of the (long) list. You can vote as many times as you want, so if you have OCD, this is a great thing for you to look into and get hooked on.
If TJ and Dave can do it, why can’t we?
Vampires & werewolves are supposedly the sexy mythological crushes…I’m the only one into cyclopses?Where’s my WB series, Stephanie Meyers?